Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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