she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
