Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
