She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
