Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
