Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
