Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's never too late to be topless.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
