I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
