do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
NoShamevember. You game?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
