also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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