Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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