dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
