bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
