i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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