i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
