Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
