Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize