I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
