Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
