my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
