Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
