Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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