she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
