I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Found the puke drawer
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
