Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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