You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
