Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
