that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
