Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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