I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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