It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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