i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
