If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
