I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
