i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
