I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
