I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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