What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
