I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
