my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
