According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
