Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
