your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
