I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
