Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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