I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
