My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
