If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
