I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
