The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
