Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
