Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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