Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
