Just cropdusted the office
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
