he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
