you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
