Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
