How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
