I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
