Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I will die if light touches me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
