my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
