Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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