'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
