Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
