I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
