you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
