He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Drake has all the answers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
