I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
