You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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