I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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