Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
