On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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