Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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